The Dangers of Defeminising Our Daughters

By Richard and Namaste Moore

There are many parents that in their desire to protect their daughters, attempt to defeminise them. The long-term effects of this on the Feminine psyche of your daughter are devastating.

In this era of non-gender norms this can seem odd to say. Isn’t it best to eschew all of this in favour of a carefully calculated neutrality? The answer is no.

Children have a HIGH need for a sense of place. In fact - after food, water, and shelter - it is this most basic of needs that drives their sense of security, safety, and well-being. It is the societal ignorance of this fundamental human need that normalizes things such as separation anxiety, however, when we offer to children a default sense of place - they receive a potent security and selfhood that allows them the confidence to explore and become that which is a reflection of themselves.

Instead of seeking this security and selfhood via crowdsourcing, such as on social media - a phenomena we find occurring with greater prevalence and worsening outcomes among tweens and teens – children with a sense of place already know who they are.

Yet it all begins here. Yes, here at the precious ages of birth through to seven years old is where the groundwork is laid that determines what those adolescent years will look like. And while the celebration and acceptance of femininity in daughters is not the entire picture, it is a foundational aspect of it.

In short, it matters.

Let’s get into the practical application of this shall we?

How defeminising looks day-to-day, and why it’s bad:

Gender neutral clothing. When children are young it is beneficial to allow boys and girls to look very different. This is because children don’t know or understand nuance and giving them adult concepts only confuses them and creates insecurity.
Celebration of physical strength while ignoring or condemning emotional displays. Physical strength isn’t everything, and emotional displays aren’t weakness.
Homogeneity between your children of different sexes. Let them be different.
Avoidance of traditionally gendered toys. Give your daughters dolls, domestic toys, pretend food tea party sets for her only. Make being female special.
Saying yes to every request. It is okay to say, “No baby, you can’t be Batman, you can be Batgirl/Batwoman”. The request is made because she doesn’t know there IS a difference - teaching her there is a difference and that being female is enough is huge.
Modelling between mum and dad - this one is huge. Your daughter is determining what it is to be a girl based on the modelling of her parents and family. If mum is sad or angry all the time, she learns that being a girl means being sad or angry for instance.
Bringing societal buzzwords into the familial setting. Be careful of taking societal issues and making them writ large in your family. You do not solve society's ills by bringing those challenges home - you solve them by raising resilient, self-confident children who have learned the joy of being themselves.

This isn’t about personality; it’s about seeing her essence. Fathers, you are her first imprint of what to expect from men. Mothers, you are her first imprint of what it is to be a woman. This is why mothers must heal any loathing of masculinity, or disconnection from your own sex, or Masculine Essence.

To communicate about this as a family in a way that is sustainable requires asking hard questions of yourself concerning how you feel about the distinctions between femininity and masculinity. It also requires the celebration as a family of gender differences. Mothers, it also requires you to create spaces where you model femininity as a desired state instead of a weakness and liability.

When you utilise the built-in differences and celebrate your daughter’s femininity, she will see her native self as worthy and valuable - instead of seeking value through attempting to be male.

Baba Richard and Sri Namaste Moore mentor couples to create a potent pathway to sacred love, business growth, and spiritual alchemy. Embracing the Divine Feminine and Masculine, Richard and Namaste have built a Business Couple Archetyping protocol that results in powerful realisations amplifying relationships and businesses. Through their teachings, couples working with Richard and Namaste describe an 11x more powerful relationship with each other and their business. Learn more at: http://www.infinitecouple.com/